


We could rewrite the stars, after all

by DoctorFatCat



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, Fix-It, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, Hate to Love, Hoseok and Jooheon each show up once, Kid Fic, M/M, Mature smut, Non-Explicit Sex, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Rewrite, Showki, very brief sickness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:28:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21914449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorFatCat/pseuds/DoctorFatCat
Summary: "The doorbell rings, and Kihyun sighs deeply before opening the door to see Son Hyunwoo standing there, looking as douchy as ever."(This is a "fix-it" of a story I wrote for the Showki Master Bingo Challenge "kids/childhood" prompt called "After All")
Relationships: Son Hyunwoo | Shownu/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 17
Kudos: 137





	We could rewrite the stars, after all

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mrtvejpes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrtvejpes/gifts).



> I hope I don't have to explain why I'm having difficulty writing or reading anything atm. This was fairly easy to do as it's a rewrite. I hope you all enjoy <3  
> Happy holidays to all, and in special to mrtvejpes, my darling papa <3  
> -  
> PSAs:  
> \- This fic is set in Canada for few reasons I don’t suppose I have to name. Any dialogue in italics, unless specified, indicates they’re speaking korean.  
> \- Also warning for mucus and mucus sucking (in a very, /very/ non sexual way. please, I hope that didn’t even cross your mind)  
> \- I’d explain to you why there are so many koreans in Canada, but it’s Canada, and they can do whatever they want as long as I’m concerned.

“Okay, sweetie, daddy is gonna miss you very much,” Kihyun says to the toddler in his arms, bouncing him up and down on his hip a s he kisses his chubby cheek. “Don’t let your papa give you any bad influence, okay?” He pouts playfully, and Kiwoo squeals. “That’s my boy.”

The doorbell rings, and Kihyun sighs deeply before opening the door to see Son Hyunwoo standing there, looking as douchy as ever. “Hello,” he says, not welcoming in the slightest.

“Hey,” Hyunwoo replies just a dry, “is he ready?”

“For you to take him away from his home? Never,” Kihyun says petulantly. “Come in, his things are on the couch,” he says, hugging the kid against himself for a little longer. “He’s been getting a little sniffly because of the cold, so remember to put on his socks when you put him to bed, and his serum is in the side pocket of his bag in case his nose gets stuffy. And he’s not agreeing with pumpkin very much anymore so he might be difficult, but make sure he eats at least some of it.”

“Okay. Socks, serum, pumpkin.” Hyunwoo hums when he’s got all of Kiwoo’s things. “We’ll be alright,” he says.

Kihyun doesn’t admit if the words comfort him in the slightest. Obviously, he would not leave his son with the other man unless he trusted him to care for their child. There’s a reason he didn’t object on Hyunwoo sharing the guard of Kiwoo when his mother passed, apart from their dislike of each other. He was competent, that was for sure.

Hyunwoo moves closer and takes the toddler in his arms, and Kihyun’s shoulders sag a little. He misses the one year old every second he’s not with him.

“Hey baby boy, did you miss me?” the older asks with a wide smile, and Kiwoo smiles before squealing out a _‘ papa!’_ “Aren’t you the smartest baby in this world?” he laughs.

Kihyun makes a face at his baby’s other father, looking away from them, and starts walking reluctantly towards the door.

He follows Hyunwoo and Kiwoo to the car, and watches as the older straps their son onto the little chair. Hyunwoo puts his things in the trunk while Kihyun goes to say his goodbyes to the baby.

“Daddy loves you very much. I’ll think about you every day. Every, every day,” he promises, kissing Kiwoo’s little hand. “Behave, okay? I’ll miss you,” he whispers, feeling his eyes well up with tears.

“He’ll be back in a week,” the older grunts out from behind him.

“Doesn’t mean I won’t miss him,” Kihyun argues annoyedly, not glancing at him. “If you don’t miss your own son when he’s away that’s not my problem. Because _I_ do.”

“You have no right to say that,” Hyunwoo snaps, stepping closer. Kihyun straightens up and faces him, his gaze defying even if his ex-friend is much more sizable than him. That never intimidated him. “I love Kiwoo just as much as you do. Shut your fuc- fugging mouth when something stupid like that is about to come out,” he roars.

“Or what? You’re gonna kick my ass? Grow up, Son Hyunwoo, this isn’t high school anymore,” Kihyun scoffs, arms crossed. “All your threats are empty.

“Please, if I’m the teen here then you’re the mid schooler,” Hyunwoo says. “I don’t have time for this. I’m taking my son home.”

 _“Your_ son only when _I_ start eating fish,” Kihyun bites.

“Da-da!” Kiwoo calls from his chair, and his father’s head snap towards him automatically, moving to crouch next to the car.

“What is it, sweetheart?” he asks softly.

“Da-da, come Papa. Papa Giwoo.” The toddler says, pulling Kihyun by the hand.

“No, angel, I’m not coming,” he says. “You’ll be fine, papa will take care of you. Remember? You go home with papa then next week you come back to daddy.”

Kiwoo glances at Hyunwoo, and seems to be convinced.

Every time one of them comes to pick him up, or brings him to the other’s house, the 17 months old toddler tries to get them to come home together, and every time it breaks Kihyun’s heart.

“Take care of my baby,” Kihyun mutters after he says his last goodbye with a kiss to Kiwoo’s forehead.

Hyunwoo sighs. “Obviously. I will.”

Kihyun makes a face at him, and the older glares before getting into the car. The younger watches as they drive off, waving at the toddler in the backseat who’s too busy with his stuffed elephant. Once they’re out of his sight, all he can do is walk back into the house and start busying himself to make up for the absence of the baby.

Hyunwoo and Kihyun hadn’t always disliked each other. The both of them used to be best friends until almost two years ago, few months before Kiwoo was born. They had a third best friend, a girl called Emma, with whom they’ve shared a friendship since third year of high school, up until their mid twenties, when Hyunwoo and Kihyun had a fall out, and Emma was six months pregnant, the baby daddy long gone.

Both men, even if filled with hatred for each other by the time the baby was born, had promised to help her take care of the boy as if he were their own, and Emma had named him Kiwoo after her two best friends – they both poked fun at her for naming her white baby after her asian friends, but accepted the honour of having a kid named after them. – Emma made sure to register both of them in her will as the boy’s godfathers, afraid her mother would try to take Kiwoo away from her since the woman was against her having the child out of wedlock.

Emma Reid didn’t make it to more than a few hours after Kiwoo’s birth due to complications and severe blood loss. So while grieving and loathing each other with much resentment, Kihyun and Hyunwoo raised her baby as their own, just as promised

Hyunwoo moved into the apartment Emma and Kihyun had been living in together since college, due to the place having already been prepared for the baby that was to come. When Kiwoo was a year old, both moved out into their respective places, not enduring to live in the apartment that would remind them of their deceased best friend anymore.

It had been the arrangement, Kiwoo would spend a week with each of his dads unless something came up, and it had been working well, all things considered. Apart, of course, from the fact that both his dads couldn’t interact for too long without having a discussion. For Kiwoo, they made it work.

“Hey, Kihyun!” Calls a voice from behind when the man is leaving the building, and he looks over his shoulder when he recognizes the voice.

“Hey, Jooheon, what’s up?” He smiles.

“Do you wanna hang out today?” Asks the younger, undoing his tie already as they walk down the parking lot towards their cars. “Me and Hyungwon are going to this bar.”

Kihyun grimaces. “I’d love to, but Kiwoo’s other dad is bringing him home tomorrow and I’m gonna wake up early to vacuum the place again. He’s got a cold and I want to make sure the house is absolutely clean.”

Jooheon snorts. _“Hyung, tone it down a bit,”_ he snickers, and Kihyun swats at him.

 _“Yah! I’m not gonna throw my son into a pile of dust”_ he scolds.

“I’m not saying you are. You’re too…”

“Don’t say what I think you’re going to say,” Kihyun warns, and Jooheon cuts himself off embarrassedly. 

“How is Hyunwoo doing?” Jooheon questions, trying to switch to some other subject.

“Hell if I care… I hope he’s _doing_ Kiwoo’s bag so I can have him back home by tomorrow,” he says. “I need to go now.”

Jooheon nods slowly, feeling awkward at the many curve balls he managed to throw without realizing “Anyway, it’s a bummer you can’t come. I’ll catch you later then,” he waves.

“Sure. Take care.” Kihyun nods before getting in his car.

Kihyun drives home with a nagging feeling, a voice that sounds very familiar repeating over and over the many times he’s been told shit or put in a stereotypically female role because he _dares_ to care for his child – which infuriatingly is something Hyunwoo doesn’t have to go through, even if he’s as caring and loving as Kihyun is towards their son, due to his physical appearance solely. The absurdity of it all makes him resent people he’s close with on a much more frequent note than should be socially acceptable.

The idea Kihyun needs to be less _pretty_ or short to be treated as the man he identifies himself to be is insulting to say the least, and incredibly frustrating.

For lack of a good or reasonable way to deal with his frustrations, Kihyun decides upon focusing on routine in the meantime as he gets home from work, otherwise he’ll go mad.

The routine is nice, and Kihyun is in a good mood getting the house ready for his baby to come back. He puts everything in place, feeling he slacked off a bit during the week since Kiwoo was at Hyunwoo’s. He takes a good long shower, taking the time to wash his hair, since he knows once the toddler is back, his showers are gonna be reduced to five minutes maximum.

He eats and watches a few reruns of his favorite series, then goes to bed around eleven, liking to keep up the same bedtime as he does when Kiwoo is around, so he won’t mess up his sleeping schedule.

The next morning he vacuums and makes himself breakfast, as well as something for the toddler to snack on later in case he gets a bit hungry before lunch. It’s around half past ten when the doorbell rings, and he all but flies to the door, finding Hyunwoo walking back to his car after having pressed it.

Kihyun walks up behind him. “Good morning.”

“Hey,” Hyunwoo greets, not as dry as he usually is, which makes Kihyun frown. “Good news is he’s eating sweet potatoes really well, so you don’t need to worry about the pumpkin problem anymore, he’ll just eat that. Also I think he’s starting to reject the formula.” He scratches the back of his neck as he opens the backseat door and starts undoing the straps of Kiwoo’s chair. “Bad news is he’s got a cold. He’s not feverish, but his nose keeps getting stuffy and I didn’t want to use the serum too much so I got a nebulizer and it’s been working fairly well.”

“Didn’t you try sucking the mucus out of his nose?” Kihyun asks.

Hyunwoo’s head snaps back. “Excuse me?”

“What?” he asks. “When a baby has a stuffy nose and can’t blow it, you suck the mucus out. It’s normal,” Kihyun argues.

“That sounds really unpleasant.”

“He’s your son, sacrifices from your own comfort are to be expected. Get used to the idea because when he’s back to you, if he’s still sick, you better suck his nose,” he threatens, pushing Hyunwoo to the side and leaning in to take the toddler into his arms. “Hey sweetheart. How’s daddy’s boy?”

Kiwoo replies by whining and clinging onto his father. Kihyun huffs in surprise, rocking the boy side to side and shooting the older a look.

“He’s grumpy because of the cold,” Hyunwoo points out. “He’s being stubborn to eat and keeps waking up at night because of his own coughing fits. He’s been sleeping on my bed with me so I can keep an eye on him.”

Kihyun knows the man’s been barely sleeping, because the dark circles around his eyes are more prominent, and he _sounds_ tired, not even energized enough to bicker back at him. He feels something akin to guilt.

He sighs, but holds onto the baby and kisses the side of his head. “Where are his things?” he asks.

“I’ll get them, just take him inside, it’s too cold out here,” Hyunwoo waves his hand, and the other gives in with a nod, taking the one year old inside.

As he walks in and brings the baby to his crib, he hears the older male walking behind him with Kiwoo’s things, taking them to his room while Kihyun brings the baby to his own, laying him down on his back on the bed. He checks on his nose, and for sure there’s a lot of mucus inside.

Hyunwoo ends up walking in the exact time Kihyun rests his cheek on the baby’s forehead to check his temperature, then proceeds to suck on one of the toddler’s nostrils, and spits the mucus onto his hand before doing the same to the other nostril.

“Watch him while I wash my hand,” Kihyun instructs before walking out.

Hyunwoo moves in and sits Kiwoo up, kneeling in front of him on the floor and checking on him, for any eye boogers or anything that might indicate he’s got something other than a cold. He then takes the boy in his arms and sits on the bed, rocking him in his arms and he makes little complaint noises, but clearly breathing more easily than before due to Kihyun cleaning his nose.

It makes Hyunwoo feel warm inside, even if the scene was something he’d think disgusting coming from anyone else, seeing Kihyun be so attentive to their son to the point of literally sucking the mucus out of him. Not that he ever expected less, knowing the younger would move mountains for Kiwoo, just like Hyunwoo himself would, but having seen something so careful and loving like that in person makes him feel something he can’t really explain.

Back then, when they lived together, it scared him to think that he wouldn’t be able to take care of Kiwoo as well as Kihyun did, since the younger had always been perfect at being a father, always appearing to know everything while Hyunwoo was the clueless one, the big clumsy one who was unprepared all the time, unlike Kihyun. And he has to admit, even if they can’t stand each other, that a lot of what he learned was thanks to the him.

Hyunwoo’s fears would go as far as thinking maybe their son would have Kihyun as his favourite dad, and he would just be the _other one_. But even back then, even in their mutual dislike, Kihyun told him he was being absurd, and that he wasn’t as confident as he seemed, or better than Hyunwoo at being Kiwoo’s father. He simply knew how to care for babies because he had a niece, while Hyunwoo – an only child – didn’t have the opportunity. In the end, he looked a little harder, and realized his co-father was as scared and thriving to do his best as he was.

“Well, it’s all good. You can go now,” Kihyun says, walking back into the bedroom.

The older looks down at Kiwoo, who’s babbling nonsense to himself, and kisses the top of his head. “Papa will miss you, baby. I’ll see you again soon,” he promises, and brings him up to hug him against himself before walking up to Kihyun and handing him the boy.

“I’ll let you know if he gets worse. Or better,” Kihyun says quietly, rubbing the toddler’s back.

“Pa-pa-pa-pa… pa,” Kiwoo mumbles with his face in Kihyun’s shoulder. Hyunwoo wants to reach for him and take him back home.

“Okay,” Hyunwoo nods with a sigh, heart clenching at having to part from the toddler.

They bide their goodbyes, and Hyunwoo drives off glancing at the rearview mirror, seeing Kihyun walk back into the house with Kiwoo in his arms.

“Papa is so silly, isn’t he? Thinking baby’s nose is icky,” Kihyun says fondly to the toddler who’s starting to fall asleep in his arms. “Soon you’ll be too heavy to be carried around, baby boy.” He smiles, taking Kiwoo to his bedroom so he can change him and put him down in his crib.

Sometimes, when he has a lot of time, Kihyun worries. Not in general, not like he never worries apart from when he has time, because when it comes to worrying, Yoo Kihyun’s good at it. This _worrying_ involves his makeshift family. Broken and missing parts, but which he likes to believe functions well. He loves his son with every piece of himself, and so does Hyunwoo, and even if they don’t get along, they manage to be decent for Kiwoo’s sake.

But then Kihyun has time, and when it happens he ends up thinking too much. They’re both single, he and Hyunwoo, and for their current situation, that works. Kihyun doesn’t see himself finding someone anytime soon, since all his time and energy is spent caring for the toddler, and balancing a love life on top of that isn’t easy, so to prevent the headache, he just doesn’t. But he can’t say the same about Hyunwoo. The truth needs to be faced; Hyunwoo is a healthy good looking man, just under his thirties, who’s got a stable job — as a personal trainer, but he’s good enough he gets to train some fairly important people — and his own home and car. The chances of him finding someone in a near future are high, and there’s this little voice in the back of Kihyun’s mind that tells him Hyunwoo might want to start a family with this someone, and there’s the chance Kiwoo might not be a part of such family.

Of course, a rational part of his brain knows the older male loves Kiwoo just as much as he does, and would put him over anything else in his life. He’s their son, biological or not. But there’s always that lingering fear Hyunwoo might find his own family, and Kiwoo will only be able to count on Kihyun from there on. _Kihyun_ will only be able to count on himself. Even if he knows how much the toddler means to his other dad, one can only be completely sure for themselves, and never others.

Kiwoo doesn’t want to eat the sweet potatoes either. In fact, he doesn’t seem to be willing to eat anything, rejecting the formula completely and whining when Kihyun tries to feed him anything else. He starts coughing, and his nose keeps getting congested, and Kihyun can only suck so much mucus out until he realizes he needs to take the baby to get checked. So he arranges to have him taken the next day, in the morning. Work can wait.

Only it can’t, and his boss demands a meeting early the next day, obliging Kihyun to have to take Kiwoo to the daycare, expressing to the caretakers that it’s very important they keep an eye on him and don’t let him interact much with the other kids in case it’s contagious. Minhyuk promises he’ll pay attention to Kiwoo only for the whole day, and Kihyun hugs and kisses his son goodbye so many times he feels like the ground under him is crumbling, scared to leave the toddler. But he trusts the caretaker to keep an eye on him and give him whatever they need.

Yoo Kihyun’s gut feeling proves to not let him down again, and two hours into the meeting he gets a call from the daycare. His heart stops. The brunette excuses himself before walking out of the room to get the call.

“Hello?” he answers, his mouth dry.

“Mister Yoo, we need you to come pick your son up,” there’s the familiar voice of a caretaker whose name he recalls to be Samantha. “Kiwoo seems to have gotten worse and we can’t take him to the hospital without a parent present. The nurse checked on him and he seems to have something else than just a cold.”

“Oh my god,” Kihyun says shakily, putting a hand on the wall to hold himself up emotionally more than physically. “What happened? How is he?”

“His cold seems to have turned into a fever. He’s very lethargic and his lips are turning bluish. He’s been coughing a lot and crying all morning,” the woman informs. “If you could hurry, sir, he seems to be extremely uncomfortable.”

“Sure, of course.” He runs his teeth over his lips, knowing that even if he finds a way to get out of the meeting, he’ll still take some time to get to the daycare, and with a toddler, anything could be bad news really fast. “I’ll see if Kiwoo’s other dad can come pick him up, I’m too far away to arrive in time,” he lets her know.

“Very well, we’ll be watching him until he arrives, sir.”

“Thank you, Samantha,” he whispers, and cuts the call as soon as she replies, calling Hyunwoo without a second to spare.

The older picks up after the third ring and the brunette cursing. “Kihyun? Wh-”

“I need you to pick Kiwoo up at the daycare,” he says quickly.

“Uh? You mean right now?” he questions. “Is he okay?”

“He’s gotten worse. I’m in a meeting and I don’t know if I can’t get there in time. The caretaker said he should go to the hospital to get checked.” His breathing is heavy and quick, heart pounding in his chest at every minute that goes by and his baby is still alone. “Please, Hyunwoo,” he whispers.

“I’m on it, don’t worry,” the older says with clear worry in his tone. “I’ll message when I get him there,” he says.

Kihyun thanks him, and they bide quick goodbyes before cutting the calls.

He feels like he can finally breathe a little easier, knowing that Kiwoo will be safe with his other father. Kihyun walks back into the room with a yellow smile and explaining it was about his son, which has everyone nodding in understanding. He sits back down with the thought that if the meeting gets too prolonged, he’ll leave early and go to the hospital. His job be damned.

Luckily, forty minutes later it’s over, ten minutes after Hyunwoo sending him a text to let him know Kiwoo was being taken care of by a pediatric, and in which hospital they were. He leaves the building almost running, letting his boss and a few coworkers know he’s going to the hospital to check on his son.

Kihyun all but flies there, trying not to break traffic laws but not knowing if he did or not. If he gets a ticket later he’ll deal with it. He parks the car in the hospital’s parking lot and runs in, stopping by the receptionist’s table, probably looking insane.

“Excuse me, I’m here to see someone who’s just gotten in. His name is Kiwoo Reid.”

The woman starts typing into the computer. “Ki-woo?” She says slowly.

“Yes. K-I-W-O-O surname R-E-I-D, he came in with his legal guardian, Hyunwoo Son, H-Y-U-N-W-O-O S-O-N,” Kihyun says so fast the woman’s eyes bulge slightly.

“What’s your relation to the patient?” She questions.

“I’m his other legal guardian. Kihyun Yoo,” he says.

It takes five minutes, she keeps typing in stuff into the computer, and Kihyun’s foot taps the floor anxiously. Then, finally, she hands him a paper for him to sign, and he does so fast his handwriting comes out terrible. She then hands him a “accompanying” card, telling him where he can find his son, and he puts it around his neck before thanking her and walking away.

In the lift, Kihyun texts Hyunwoo to let him know he’s arriving, and he older says he’ll be waiting outside the room. The man feels his eyes ache like he’s about to tear up, worried. His baby is in the hospital, and probably because Kihyun didn’t stay to take care of him like he was supposed to. Hyunwoo must be pissed, and if he scolds him, Kihyun will most likely take it.

He spots the other standing by the door, and sprints towards him, his face crumbling down as he feels a sob come up his throat. “Hyunwoo,” he calls.

The older is already looking at him, and holds his arms out to stop Kihyun, the man looking like he could run through the wall to see their kid. “He’s inside,” he says. “There’s a nurse in there with him. Apparently he’s got bacterial pneumonia,” he makes a face.

A breath catches, and Kihyun has difficulty breathing. “Oh, _god,”_ he whispers brokenly. “This is my fault. This is all my fault,” he says, shaking his head from side to side and looking down, not being able to look him in the eyes. “I should’ve stayed with him. He needed me,” he says, voice wavering. _“I hurt our baby. Hyung, I’m s-sorry,”_ he says, trying to wipe his face desperately with his hands.

“Kihyun,” Hyunwoo says, taking him by the shoulders. “Hey, it’s okay. You couldn’t have known,” he reassures, sounding like he’s crying too.

 _“I l-love him so m-much,”_ he mumbles brokenly. _“I can’-t lose h-him, hyung,”_ Kihyun presses his palms against his eyes.

Hyunwoo looks at him sadly, his own eyes glassy as tears run down his face, giving up on fighting the urge to cry. He brings Kihyun closer, and puts his arms around his shoulders, the man’s face against his shirt and arms wrapping around his middle as they let silent tears fall.

 _“We won’t lose him,”_ Hyunwoo says. _“You love him. No one could say you don’t love him,”_ he whispers, still speaking korean, feeling like this is a private moment between two parents who are worried about their child, and no one around needs to know what they’re saying. _“You needed to be at work. I might have done the same thing in your place,”_ he says quietly, his lips right above his ear, and he whispers soothing words and hides from him that he’s crying too, trying to tune it down as much as he can to keep Kihyun from feeling even more guilt than he already does.

Kihyun grips onto his jacket like it’s his lifeline. They might loathe each other until their last breath, but when they’re the only ones who understand how they feel towards their son, how worried they are, then that can be put aside.

“Come in to see him,” Hyunwoo murmurs. “But calm down a bit first, he’ll notice your distress,” the older pulls away, holding Kihyun by the shoulders again – probably ruining his coat _and_ suit jacket under it with how much it’s scrunched under his palms – before bringing up his hands to wipe away his tears like he’s done so many times before when they were younger. Kihyun nods, breathing in and out slowly, shakily, looking into his eyes as he does so, noticing he was also crying as they’re puffy and pink, but deciding not to mention. “He’s going through oxygen therapy, so don’t freak out when you see him wearing a mask.”

“I’m good,” Kihyun says firmly, but quiet. “I won’t cry anymore, promise.” He nibbles on his bottom lip and inhales deeply, and Hyunwoo loops his pinky with his smaller one briefly, as if silently letting him know he believes him.

The older guides him in, opening the door slowly and smiling at the nurse before letting Kihyun in. The man’s eyes go straight to the toddler in the small shallow crib, an oxygen mask covering his face partially, his eyes closed as he sleeps soundly.

“Oh, my baby…” Kihyun whispers, moving closer while Hyunwoo explains to the nurse this is Kiwoo’s other dad he had mentioned before. “Daddy is so sorry he left you,” he says. “I’ll never leave you again.”

Kihyun sits by the small crib, watching the toddler sleep while wearing all the guilt in the world on his face. Hyunwoo approaches him slowly, and Kihyun doesn’t look up. “I hope I don’t have to tell you again to stop blaming yourself,” he jokes quietly, brushing his knuckles on his arm to get his attention.

“You can tell me over and over and I don’t think I’ll feel less guilty,” Kihyun says. “I just keep telling myself if I had told my boss I couldn’t go and stayed with him this wouldn’t have happened.”

“If that doesn’t work, then let me try this,” Hyunwoo mutters, sitting next to Kihyun. “Stop thinking about the ‘what ifs’, ‘cause that’s already done for. This is what’s going on now, so focus on it and stop mulling over the past.”

Kihyun sighs, defeated. “I’ll try,” he promises. “I just want m- our baby to be okay now.”

Hyunwoo nods “me too.”

They sit together in silence observing the boy for some time before the nurse informs them the doctor wants to talk to the parents.

It’s all a blur from there on. The doctor explains that Kiwoo was suffering from bacterial pneumonia, but that after rest and taking medicine at the prescribed time, he’d be alright. The parents both sigh in relief, Kihyun squeezing Hyunwoo’s hand in his, letting his walls down after knowing his son would be okay after all, and his shoulders slump with a sigh. The worry is still there, but much smaller, and they’ll cope.

They spend the night in the hospital with the baby, always alert, and rushing towards the kid at every small sound he makes, even in his sleep. They don’t sleep that night.

Instead, between hushed whispers, they discuss how they’ll take care of him, what they’ll do to make sure he’s never alone, that they can be sure he’ll be well taken care off.

In the morning, Hyunwoo leaves first, kissing Kiwoo’s forehead and waving Kihyun farewell before leaving. The younger stays with the baby until he’s authorized to go home, and on his way buy the medicine for him, as prescribed. Kiwoo seems to be in a better mood than he was the morning when his dad left him in the daycare center — probably because he’s not as sick now that he spent the night in the hospital.

He gets home only a few minutes before Hyunwoo arrives, helping the older bring his things inside. Kihyun helps him unpack fairly, tells him where some things are, and where he could sleep if he wanted to. They end up inflating a camping mattress while Kiwoo sits atop of it, giggling and letting out words of excitement as it gets filled, and his bright laugh warms his dads’ hearts.

They’re silent around each other, without any energy to argue or even bicker. They talk to Kiwoo, and play with him, and plan their next days.

Hyunwoo stays over for around two weeks as they care for Kiwoo. They alternate between working part time, morning and afternoon, informing their bosses they’ll be working extra in the future to make up for the lost time. 

The nights are silent, and they make small talk to an extent, shifting to sharing about Kiwoo’s improvement after some exchange.

Around the third day since Hyunwoo started sleeping around Kihyun’s place, the toddler wakes up at night, crying loudly due to abdominal pain, and Kihyun takes him to the bed, laying the baby next to him and rubbing his tummy in hopes to soothe the pain. Hyunwoo sits on the other side of the bed, by the edge, his hand caressing Kiwoo’s smaller one as he whines in pain.

“I wish this was me,” Hyunwoo says, “I can’t stand to see my baby like this.”

Kihyun gives him a sympathetic look, as he knows exactly how the other feels.

“Sleep here tonight,” Kihyun says softly. “He’ll feel safer with the two of us here,” he mumbles. Hyunwoo glances at him, and Kihyun doesn’t take his eyes off the toddler, so he takes his pillow and the covers he was using on the camping mattress, and lies down on the other side, their bigger bodies bracketing the one year old between them. Kihyun kisses the top of Kiwoo’s head, and after what seems to be hours, but not even one, he falls asleep.

After that night, Kiwoo sleeps in bed between them for the following days, and they don’t bother to mention it.

Gradually, they talk more. Be it just asking if the other needs anything from the store, or playing rock paper scissors to see who gets to shower first, and who bathes Kiwoo — they end up doing it together every time, bickering about the other doing something in a different way themselves do — or watching TV side by side, commenting on it here and there, and even risking to go a bit nostalgic on what they used to watch before, when they were still best friends. The air between them is lighter.

They take turns getting up at night to soothe Kiwoo when he starts crying or coughing too much, and also changing his diapers or making him something to eat. The domesticity of it all is nostalgic but unwelcome, bringing them memories from being best friends, and also from when they lived together to raise Kiwoo.

Time goes by in seconds, and yet it also takes years. Soon, two weeks have passed.

When Kihyun puts down the bottle of the analgesic, the glass clinking on the counter, he sighs, and mutters to the man next to him. “This was the last dosage. He should be good now.” He looks up at Hyunwoo. “I guess now we wait to see how he’ll be.”

He nods, rubbing his face with his hand; tired. “He’s been alright for some time now,” Hyunwoo adds. “I think he’s fine already.”

Shifting slightly to face the other, Kihyun hums. “I think so too.” He glances at the clock. “We should put him to bed soon.”

“And go to bed too,” Hyunwoo chuckles. “I’m exhausted.”

And so they both get ready to bed, change Kiwoo into his PJs, and the three of them brush their teeth. Hyunwoo rocks the toddler in his arms side to side while humming a song while Kihyun gets the crib ready. They put the sleeping boy down and watch him intently in case he wakes up. A few minutes later, when the toddler doesn’t do much more than stir slightly before he settles, they move to go to bed too. And that’s about when they both realize they didn’t fill the mattress for the older to sleep on yet.

Kihyun eyes the bed, then softly murmurs “Sleep on the bed.” before moving and sitting on his side of the bed. The older doesn’t question, just walks around it and lies down on the other side, and they turn away from each other, feeling the absence of their son between them and filling that space.

The silence is heavy, pregnant with an angst that’s not unfamiliar, but also unwelcome. Both lie awake, aware or not the other isn’t sleeping, maybe not even aware they’re not sleeping themselves. Hours pass and the inquietude grows at the unasked questions and unmade accusations. A conversation they never had, never meant to bring up again.

Late hours, and Kihyun sits up, knowing he won’t be able to sleep with this unsettlement, so he walks out of the room. The man sits on the couch and nibbles on the pad of his thumb as he stares at the wall and tries to calm down his thoughts. It’s not too long before Hyunwoo’s quiet and heavy presence fills the room, and he sits on the other couch, not meeting Kihyun’s eyes, but sharing the same inquietude

The silence is their best friend until Hyunwoo breaks it. “Do we go back to hating each other now?”

Kihyun shakes his head. “I don’t know.”

The sound of the night is loud. “How long has it been?” he asks.

“Too long,” a whisper. 

“Almost two years,” Hyunwoo agrees. “Do you miss it? Us?”

“Without Emma?” Kihyun bites his bottom lip. “I miss the both of you.”

“And you never tried to get me back even though I’m not dead.” Hyunwoo mutters, not accusing in the slightest, as he’s guilty of the same crime.

“It’s easier to cry for her loss whenever I miss you too much,” he says honestly, because it is, and Hyunwoo understands exactly what he means.

Sometimes, when it hits him it’s been so long, and that they never made it or got in good terms, when he realizes this man was once his best friend and that he misses him so much, he’s forced to remind of Emma, and the emotions come from both sides, from missing both friends, but telling yourself you just miss the one who won’t come back is easier. It’s easier because none of them left their pride aside enough to realize maybe they do need each other again like they used to and whatever pettiness remains should be resolved like the adults they are.

But the fear of the hurt they once felt when they started drifting apart and the angst of feeling like they were slipping through each other’s fingers no matter how tight they clasped was way too much, somehow way too fresh.

The silence is there again. They haven’t looked at each other yet.

“We should sleep,” Kihyun says before Hyunwoo can say anything else, not wanting to resume a conversation he’s not ready to have yet. It’s too late and he’s too tired and this is not the ideal way, this is not how he wants to resolve it.

Hyunwoo nods, slightly upset and frustrated, but accepting this is how they are these days, and he can’t demand much more of Kihyun anymore when it comes to them, only when it comes to their son.

They don’t know if they fall asleep or if they just stop processing the view of the ceiling after an hour, but in the morning it’s like they haven’t gotten any rest at all.

This time, Hyunwoo works in the morning while Kihyun stays at home with Kiwoo, and then after lunch they’ll switch. All the same, it’s not like Kihyun can sleep in, as having a one and a half year old kid prevents you from doing so.

Hyunwoo is in the kitchen when he hears little soft taps against the floor, and seconds later his baby runs in with a chubby sleepy face and a huge smile once he sees his papa, fingers in his mouth covered in drool.

“Papa!” he squeals, walking slower and more wobbly towards his dad, Kihyun walking in right after him looking as tired as Hyunwoo feels.

Nonetheless, he takes the boy in his arms and lifts him up, chuckling heartily as the baby giggles at being held in the air.

“Good morning darling,” he says, kissing his chubby cheek. “Did you wake up daddy?” he asks. Kihyun snorts next to him, filling a cup with coffee.

“I don’t think I slept at all.” A hum. “When are you coming back?”

“Same as always, a few past noon depending on traffic,” he says, balancing Kiwoo against his hip on his side as he sips on coffee.

“I’ll make lunch today,” Kihyun says.

“No it’s fine, I’ll get something on the way,” Hyunwoo dismisses, but Kihyun doesn’t take it.

“I want to. Besides, I’d like to go back to some normalcy now that we know baby’s better,” he mutters, looking at Kiwoo, who’s now wiggling around in his father’s arms to get down to the floor.

“Alright. Though if you change your mind just let me know,” Hyunwoo says quietly, allowing Kihyun to take Kiwoo and put him down on the floor. “I have a feeling he’ll tire you out real quick today,” he teases.

Kihyun chuckles as well. “Don’t worry, later it’s gonna be your turn.”

Not long after, Hyunwoo gets ready to leave, and kisses the toddler goodbye on the crown of the head, promising to be back later. Kihyun waves him goodbye from where he’s trying to convince Kiwoo to have breakfast while watching Paw Patrol.

“I’m leaving in a bit,” Hyunwoo tells Hoseok in the locker room. He’s a trainer who works in the same gym as he does, and who’s a very good friend of his. “Gotta go home to Kiwoo ‘cause he’s been with Kihyun all morning and he’s gotta work,” he explains.

“Is he doing better?” Hoseok asks with genuine concern, putting on his shirt.

“Yeah, he’s done taking medicine and we’re taking him back to the doctor tomorrow to get checked up,” he says, grabbing some deodorant in the locker and putting it on. “It feels good, you know? After all that worry and stuff,”

“Poor little guy,” Hoseok shakes his head. “I’m glad he’s well, you sure as hell look like it’s been hard,” he tells his friend.

“Thanks,” Hyunwoo snorts.

“Hey, what’s up?” Asks another trainer, walking into the locker room after walking out of the shower. “You going home already, Hyunwoo?”

“Gotta head home to my son so his dad can go to work. We’re still taking turns,” he says curtly.

“Playing happy family, I see,” Huncheol snickers maliciously. “So you going home so wifey can have his day off?”

A pin drop silence fills the room for a moment.

“What?” Hyunwoo asks.

Huncheol turns around to look at him. “What what?”

“Who the fuck are you calling ‘wifey’?” he asks, slowly closing the locker.

Hoseok swallows, eyes darting between the both of them in tension.

“That tiny ex of yours?” he asks, seemingly to be genuinely confused and filling Hyunwoo with utmost rage.

“Kihyun’s not my ex, he never was, and if he had been, he’d be my husband, or my boyfriend, _not_ my wife,” he says strictly. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Woah, woah, you got a problem? You having problems at home deal with ‘em at home,” he says with a smirk.

“My only problem is you,” Hyunwoo says. “Mind your own business before saying disrespectful shit.”

“You’re the one who started with this shit, cursing at me and shit. Get over yourself,” Huncheol says with his chest puffed up.

 _“You_ get over yourself. You think you gotta go around saying dumb shit like that without being called out? Saying my son’s father is a lady ‘cause he’s short? Or ‘cause he’s not a stupid _macho_ like you are?” he asks, pointing a finger at him. “You think what? That I fuck him on the daily? That we go around pretending to be a fifty’s happy family? What if _I_ like it up the ass, huh? What if like to get fucked stupid and to make him dinner? Does that make me the wife? Or does it not ‘cause I’m not small and fragile? Fuck you! Fuck you and your gender roles.”

“I’m not wasting my fucking time with this shit,” he says, shaking his head and looking at Hyunwoo like he’s insane. He pushes past them and walks out into the showers.

Hyunwoo finishes grabbing his stuff and putting them into his bag. “You’re gonna burn a hole in my back.”

“So you just told our coworker you like to get some ‘cause he said shit about someone you don’t get along with?” he asks.

He sighs. “I did, didn’t I?” he asks in defeat. “This kind of shit really pisses me off. Especially when it’s about Kihyun,” Hyunwoo explains. “People have been doing this since we were friends and before that too, and it’s unfair as fuck.”

“Great rebuttal, bro,” Hoseok says, patting him on the shoulder.

“Thanks, I guess.”

“It was kinda hot though, you must be a killer dirty talker.”

“Oh, piss off.”

Hyunwoo gets home later than he’d like to, the traffic complicating it all, as usual. Though it’s worth it when he walks home from the cold autumn weather into the warmth of Kihyun’s place, and is greeted with the vision of the man lying on his back, shirtless, inside Kiwoo’s little fenced playmat, and his son sitting next to his unconscious body playing with some cubes and car toys on top of his chest.

He must have been _really_ tired.

“Papa!” Kiwoo yells with a smile, dropping his toys to stand and go to him, stopping at the fence.

“Hey darling,” he smiles to the baby, taking off his coat. “Did daddy fall asleep?” he asks gently, taking the baby in his arms.

“Oh, hey,” Kihyun mumbles, rubbing an eye and sitting up. “You’re here?”

“Yeah,” Hyunwoo says mid blowing raspberries on Kiwoo’s cheek. “A little late, traffic’s been a pain.”

“That’s cool. Did you have lunch yet?”

“Nah. You said you’d make it so I thought the least I could do is eat it,” he says. “Unless you didn’t have time, which is fine.”

“I did,” Kihyun says, standing up with a yawn and stepping out of the fenced mat. “I’m still gonna make his plate, you can put him back down for now.”

Hyunwoo nods, and as Kihyun goes into the kitchen, he puts Kiwoo down and hands him his toys, which the baby accepts very politely and proceeds to chew on some.

He follows Kihyun into the kitchen and goes to stand next to him by the counter and help him make Kiwoo’s plate.

“Gym called,” Kihyun says. Hyunwoo hums. “Something about you picking up a fight with another trainer?”

“So school called to inform my parents I misbehaved?” Hyunwoo snorts bitterly. “It was just an argument, we didn’t fight,” he explains, not looking at Kihyun. “I’m not a dumb reckless kid, you know that.”

“I don’t _know_ that. I don’t know you, and you could very well be picking fights with your coworkers all this time without me knowing sh- shoot about it,” Kihyun retaliates, composed, despite his words.

Hyunwoo sighs. “You _do_ know me. I was never the dumb reckless kid, and I won’t ever be, especially not now that I’m almost thirty. I’m not an idiot, I have a kid to maintain.”

Kihyun puts his hands in his sweatpants’ pockets. “I believe you,” he says with a shrug. “I hope you had a good reason to have work calling after you, though.” He walks out of the kitchen, calmly but with an odd aura to him.

“He said disrespectful shit about you,” Hyunwoo says without thinking.

The man stops in his tracks, and walks back into the kitchen backwards. “What?”

“Dumb fucker called you my ‘wifey’ and I was fed up,” he explains. “I could have left it alone but I didn’t. That’s it.”

“What did you say to him?” Kihyun asks, crossing his arms against his bare chest.

“Something along the lines of ‘so what if I like it up the ass?’” he explains. “I had a point there somewhere.”

“What the heck?” Kihyun frowns deeply, tilting his head.

Hyunwoo huffs, and adverts the other’s eyes. “I got hot headed, and I’m not a fast thinker.”

“No, I think that’s a brilliant retaliation. You should take that to court,” he says with a serious look but teasing tone.

With a groan, Hyunwoo says “Leave me alone.”

He picks up Kiwoo’s plate, and assumes Kihyun did leave him, due to the silence that followed. And then he speaks up.

“Thank you for not letting it pass,” he starts. “People say shit like that and when you only listen and don’t say anything, they think it’s cool, just like if you were agreeing with them.”

Hyunwoo thinks about his words for a moment. “You’re my kid’s dad. And also you were once my favourite person. It’s that simple.”

“It’s not. When it’s not about them people don’t care. Thank you for being decent,” he says in all honesty.

“Thank you for not poking fun at me for liking to be the little spoon,” Hyunwoo says playfully, but to Kihyun who _does_ know him, he can see how he’s shy.

“Oh please, I always knew,” he jokes, and then finally walks out.

The rest of the day is routine. They have lunch, Kihyun gets ready for work, and soon leaves. Hyunwoo spends the afternoon with Kiwoo, and by the time Kihyun’s back home, he’s already bathed him and made him dinner. Though the two of them only eat themselves after putting Kiwoo to bed.

“My mom called earlier. She wants to have Kiwoo over on Saturday,” Hyunwoo explains over dinner. “That alright with you?”

Kihyun nods. “Sure. I guess that’s a break we both need after making sure Kiwoo’s fine tomorrow after the doctor,” he says. “Also it’ll give us time to move you back home.”

Hyunwoo stalls for less than a second, and hopes Kihyun didn’t notice. “Yeah,” he agrees, but says no more.

They proceed to eat in silence, save for very brief requests for anything they can’t reach on the table.

Going to the doctor ends up being more stressful than they’d like it to be. They wait for longer than expected, and Kiwoo gets impatient pretty soon. Kihyun tries soothing him first with a toy, but he soon grows bored of it too. Hyunwoo ends up taking him outside and rocking him in his arms while pointing out the trees and the cars and the clouds in the sky.

The good news make up for it, of course. Kiwoo’s doing better, and the treatment was very successful, pleasing the doctor and his dads. With those news, they go back home, and Hyunwoo makes sure to tell his mom Kiwoo will be spending the next day with her.

“So what should we do now?” Hyunwoo asks, sitting on the passenger seat as they drive home.

“What do you mean? We check whose week it is to be with him and go back to routine as soon as we can. We can’t keep meddling,” it’s Kihyun’s reply, which makes Hyunwoo’s frown deepen severely.

“So we get home and I pack my things and go away? Is that what you mean?” he asks.

 _“I_ get home, you get your things and go to your place. Tomorrow you can come pick Kiwoo up and take him to your mother’s, I won’t object. But yes, things go back to normal from now on,” Kihyun says, and he sounds like he’s set on it, as if he’s been thinking of it for a long time and wants to make sure they’re on the same page.

Thing is, they’re not, and Hyunwoo doesn’t know since when, because even if they didn’t get along anymore, they were at least on the same page about it and about Kiwoo. Now it’s different, now he doesn’t want to agree in a grumpy way.

“Alright, we’re here,” Kihyun announces, undoing his seatbelt to get out of the car. Hyunwoo is faster, and goes to unstrap Kiwoo and take the boy out.

“Get his bag,” he says to the man, pissed out of his mind but probably sounding normal, as in _their_ normal. Hyunwoo walks towards the door and waits for Kihyun to come and unlock the door, and while he’s not there yet, he looks at the baby in his arms and says “I hope you’ll grow up to be a lot smarter than us,” to him.

Kihyun opens the door and they enter, putting Kiwoo down to play as the boy requested it with many word-sounding noises.

“We should pack your stuff so you can go home,” Kihyun says.

“Do be subtle about kicking me out,” he responds sarcastically, the other with his back to him as he’s walking towards the bedrooms.

Then, Kihyun stops walking and turns back around to face him. “Don’t act like you wanna stay here, you have your home, I have mine, no need to play family anymore, Kiwoo is fine.” He turns around as he’s done saying this, and starts walking into the bedrooms.

Hyunwoo is conscious of the fact that if they’re gonna have this discussion, they should do it away from their boy.

“Is that how it is? Our son is fine again so we go back to fighting about jackshit? That’s not who we are, Kihyun!” Hyunwoo says gravelly.

Kihyun lets out a bitter laugh. “That’s how I know us to be. We never raised Kiwoo being best friends.”

“Because you didn’t want us to!”

“Don’t make this _my_ fault, we both had part in this and if Emma hadn’t died I’m sure we wouldn’t have stayed around to endure each other,” he snaps. _“We’ve been over years ago.”_

 _“You’re making it sound like we have to act like we hate each other, fucking telling me to leave the second you think you can handle things yourself because you don’t think Kiwoo’s at risk anymore,”_ Hyunwoo accuses, hurt by the other’s words.

 _“Is this all because you don’t want to leave my place? What a fucking inconvenience. You’re getting the boy tomorrow!”_ Kihyun says, motioning angrily at the door with his hand.

 _“You don’t fucking know shit, Kihyun. You don’t know anything,”_ Hyunwoo spits at him, and his voice shakes, which is what stops Kihyun from snapping back immediately. The man seems altered in a different way than he is, but he doesn’t have time to see much or respond, because he turns his back and walks out. Kihyun stands in the room, confused, and hears the front door closing and soon after a car starting.

Kiwoo calls for him, and he goes to the boy, who’s confused about his papa leaving without saying anything. Kihyun, sadly, can’t give him an explanation.

Hours later, after the sun’s gone down for some time and Kiwoo’s already in bed, Kihyun sits at the dining table, baby monitor in hand and biting his fingernails. He’s worried, and it’s not like he hates to admit he’s worried, because he’s a human being and worrying about others is something he does, especially if the other is his son’s other father. It’s been hours, it’s late, and Hyunwoo left without his things.

That’s when he hears a car coming towards the house and parking, and then someone exiting it and closing the door. Soon, Hyunwoo enters the house. Kihyun unlocked the door after he put Kiwoo to bed, as he decided to wait and see if Hyunwoo would be back and didn’t want him to press the doorbell and possibly wake the boy.

Hyunwoo walks in and he spots Kihyun, but doesn’t dwell on it, closing the door behind himself and walking in slowly, looking exhausted. He walked up until he was a meter away from the table, looking down at the baby monitor in Kihyun’s hands.

“Where did you go?” Kihyun asks, finally breaking the silence.

Hyunwoo scoffs. “Why do you care?”

“‘Cause I’m not made of ice. You walked out on me, what was that?”

“I needed time,” he explains.

“You can’t just do that, you walked out on me and left me alone with Kiwoo,” Kihyun says indignant, but still hushed so they won’t wake Kiwoo.

“You made a point of saying that’s what you wanted me to do so I did,” Hyunwoo says.

Kihyun inhales deeply and sits back on the chair. “You wanna talk,” he declares, looking at Hyunwoo. “Alright. Sit down, we’ll talk.”

It’s Hyunwoo who sighs this time, sitting down across Kihyun on the dining table and putting his hands on the table, looking down at them.

“What did you do? Why aren’t you looking at me?” Kihyun asks.

He doesn’t reply right away.

“Tell me how you remember it happened,” he then whispers.

“How _what_ happened?”

“Everything before Kiwoo.”

Kihyun understands, then, what he wants, and for some reason he obliges.

“It started because we were drifting apart,” he starts quietly, but right away, as if all he’s been ready to tell the story for a long time. “Emma was five months pregnant, we weren’t talking as much, me and you, and I- missed you. Pretty bad.” He bites his cheek in thought. “You were always with other friends. I was always with other people. We didn’t have time for each other, and when we did have time, you didn’t show up,” he says bitterly. “I stayed there waiting for you until Tuesday became Wednesday.”

“I thought we were going to meet on Thursday.” Hyunwoo says, like he’s done so long before. “I didn’t mean to make you wait then, I wanted to see you.”

Kihyun nods. “Well, yeah. But then we had the argument, and it wasn’t enough that it had been a mistake. Because that episode served as a trigger and I had so much in my mind already, I was so scared of losing you that I blamed you for everything,” he shakes his head. “And you blamed me right back.”

Hyunwoo’s lower lip trembles, and he takes a deep breath.

“And then it got weird. Because even though I had hope we’d go back to being friends just like before, that I’d have you again, I didn’t know how to talk to you. I didn’t know if I could trust you and I didn’t know if you felt the same way or if you-”

“Well, I did,” Kihyun interrupts, serious. “I did feel the same way. I was struggling so bad for all those months we were apart. Until the day came, we saw each other at the hospital and I thought maybe then, maybe when our godson was born, we’d realize we were being stupid and go back to it,” he smiles bitterly. “And then Emma…”

“Yeah,” Hyunwoo chuckles dryly. “And Kiwoo was left to us.”

“Kiwoo was left to us,” Kihyun agrees. “And we agreed to talk about him, and us, and Emma and everything.”

The memory of that specific week is implied, unspoken.

Of korean families, Kihyun and Hyunwoo bonded in high school over mutual interests, a mutual friend — Emma Reid — and their similar backgrounds.

They were all three best friends, but they were also three separate people who had routines and rituals that differed from one another. So in a hunch, both boys decided to have a day of their own, when they’d go out just the two of them, speak korean only, do whatever they wanted, and that was gonna be _their_ day.

The chosen day was, for no specific reason other than the fact they thought it was cool, the June solstice. And so every June 21st for years they’d meet up, and they’d call it, ridiculously, like the teens they were, their Korean Boys Day. They soon realized how ridiculous the name was, but stuck to it due to nostalgia. They had at least the excuse of having been teens when they came up with it to cover it up.

And so that was the day they decided to meet: June 21st, to talk about the Kiwoo situation, Emma’s passing, and what was gonna happen now. The feeling lingered in the air, that they could maybe make up, maybe they’d go back to being best friends, maybe now this horrible misunderstanding that drew them apart would come to an end.

But Kihyun never showed up, and the hope was gone for both of them once June 21st was over.

“Why didn’t you come?” Hyunwoo whispers, his eyes glassy with unshed tears.

“I was gonna come,” he says, staring at the floor, his heart heavy. “I was gonna come, and I was gonna come clean, I thought if we were gonna make up or break apart you should at least know…” he bites down on his bottom lip. “I chickened out,” he confesses. “I was stressed, I took Valium and before I knew... it was too late,” he says. “Truth is I never forgave myself for it.”

“I thought that was a sick joke, like a way of showing me how it felt to get stood up on that Tuesday,” Hyunwoo admits. “Though I didn’t blame you for long. If we hadn’t fallen apart, we wouldn’t have to make up in the first place, so a good share of the fault is still mine.”

They fall into silence again.

“We should go to bed,” Kihyun says, moving to stand.

“What happened to kicking me out?” Hyunwoo questions.

Kihyun shakes his head. “I guess we can leave that for tomorrow,” he mutters, motioning for Hyunwoo to follow.

They lie down next to each other without a word after getting ready for bed, and fall asleep after some time. The atmosphere is different, like it hasn’t been in a long time.

“You should have a trash bag in this car,” Kihyun says.

“You _really_ didn’t have to come,” Hyunwoo says, like he’s said before many times since they left Kihyun’s place.

“I want to say bye to my baby properly,” Kihyun explains like he’s explained many times since they left his place.

The drive to Hyunwoo’s parents’ place is uneventful. They don’t bicker, but don’t make much small talk either.

Kiwoo’s excited to see his grandma, and she’s excited to see him, as well as happy to see Kihyun again after such a long time. He’s kind to her, and Hyunwoo is not in the least surprised, because yes she’s his mom, but he’s Kihyun, and he’d never be unkind to her.

The drive back is filled with silence, Kiwoo’s empty chair in the back seat.

“Can I ask you something?” Hyunwoo questions when they get to his place, but are still in the car.

Kihyun seems to be surprised by it, but nods nonetheless.

“Yesterday you said you had wanted me to know something if we were gonna raise Kiwoo together. But never said what it was,” he clarifies, and Kihyun hums. “What did you want me to know?”

Kihyun exhales, and looks at him with honest and tired eyes. “Look, I don’t think this is gonna come out as a surprise, and I don’t want you to make anything of it, really, because I was a dumb kid back then,” he pauses. “When we were friends I was in love with you.”

The thing is that it does come out as a surprise – to Hyunwoo, at least. He’s never been the most perceptive, and maybe the fact he shared those same feelings towards Kihyun made him blind to the other’s affections back then.

“I didn’t know, actually,” he admits. “I really had no idea.”

Kihyun chuckles, but it’s genuine. “Well, now you know.”

He exits the car, and Hyunwoo figures he should too.

They walk into the house slowly, unsure of what to do with the odd atmosphere, when Hyunwoo, unexpectedly to them and the most to himself, feels the sudden urge to cry, and he can’t hold back.

He figures maybe the absence of their son makes it all different between them. He doesn’t have to hide his tears, and it gives him a nostalgic feeling from the times when they didn’t need Kiwoo as a reason to see each other.

“Why are you crying?” Kihyun asks, seeming honestly worried and confused.

Hyunwoo shrugs defeatedly, shoulders shaking on their own as the sobs come up.

“I hate what we’ve become and all of this sucks,” he says. “If I had known, I’d… I wouldn’t have felt like such an idiot because I loved you too.” He’s sobbing, and his cheeks are wet from the tears that keep escaping.

They look at each other, in the eyes, but say nothing. Then, Kihyun tears up, and soon he’s crying as well. He turns around, drying his tears with his hands, and says “God, I hate you.”

It stings. “I know,” Hyunwoo sobs, looking up and feeling terrible.

“You really don’t,” Kihyun says brokenly, and reaches for Hyunwoo, pulling him in by the nape of his neck and looking into his eyes from up close. “You don’t.”

Hyunwoo lets out a louder sob and has to clench his eyes shut out of embarrassment. “I don’t want to act like I hate you anymore, because I just realized I really don’t.”

Kihyun exhales unevenly, and brings his other hand up to overlap the one already on Hyunwoo’s nape, to pull him in and kiss him.

They kiss in the most utter confusion, while at the same time as feeling like nothing’s ever felt more right. Kihyun brings his hands to cup Hyunwoo’s face when he’s sure he’s not pulling away from him, and when they break it for a second, he says “I don’t hate you at all.” And Hyunwoo knows what he means by it, which is quite enough.

He wraps his arms around Kihyun’s middle and they kiss for God knows how long. They don’t know when exactly they stopped crying either, but it wasn’t right away. They both kiss, and hold each other, and apologize before sealing their lips again, and the cycle repeats itself over and over.

“You’re so annoying, so annoying,” Hyunwoo sobs happily with his forehead against Kihyun’s. “I don’t know why I ever chose to be in love with someone so annoying.”

“You didn’t choose,” Kihyun laughs in between tears of his own, looking at him. “If you could choose, you wouldn’t have.”

Hyunwoo chuckles, and pulls back a bit. “That’s where you’re wrong,” he whispers lovingly, in a tone Kihyun’s missed so much it makes him cry all over again to hear it directed to himself.

“You’re so corny,” he says happily. “And so unbelievable. I want to love you all over.”

He says that in a warm tone, but it has Hyunwoo hot under the collar, and he brings his hands up and laces his fingers in the short strands of Kihyun’s hair by his nape. “I’m begging you to do that,” he says.

Kihyun softens visibly, and pulls him closer by the waist gently, saying his words quietly as now he’s talking to a lover. “Do you mean that? Are you sure?” Hyunwoo nods. “Well then, that can be arranged.”

They both laugh very quietly and high in their emotions as they hold each other.

“Do you wanna be my big spoon?” Hyunwoo mutters with his fingers in his hair, voice deep.

Kihyun chuckles, gently caressing his torso and moving his face in to touch their noses together carefully. “Of course I do,” he says.

They kiss again, and Kihyun holds onto Hyunwoo tightly as he guides him to his bedroom, to love him all over just like promised.

Once they get to the bed, they keep kissing lazily, undressing each other and feeling each other, trying to engrave in their memories how every inch of their bodies feel under their fingertips. Kihyun then starts kissing down Hyunwoo’s neck and his jaw, tracing his hands over his torso and peppering kisses against his shoulders as well every once in a while.

Hyunwoo has his head back. He doesn’t care, really, how desperate he might look. He’s in love, he’s been for so long even if he didn’t know, and he’s being loved back finally, it feels better than he can comprehend.

Kihyun kisses down his naked body, and Hyunwoo barely has the courage to look down as he feels him nearing his cock before taking it into his mouth and having Hyunwoo out of his mind. He parts his legs a bit and keeps his hands on them as he goes down on him, and pulls away when he thinks Hyunwoo’s having a bit too much fun. He silences his protests with many and many kisses.

Then they hold each other for a moment, not too long, but enough for Kihyun to press his lips against his skin and make so many promises against his tanned skin that it drives Hyunwoo crazy to even hear them.

He gets lube from the bathroom, and he fingers Hyunwoo open slowly and carefully, kissing him, kissing his skin, and savouring every sound and sensation. He loves him, loves and loves and _loves_ him ‘till he can’t think.

Hyunwoo holds him when he lies between his legs, wraps himself around him and cups his face, and attempts and succeeds to kiss him every second of it, even when Kihyun moves into him so deeply, so wonderfully right that his nerves go wild and he malfunctions. The hot breaths against his skin drive him mad, and he grips onto Kihyun for dear life, because his sanity slips away more and more with every thrust.

Kihyun says it over and over again, repeats his promises, almost like a mantra at this point, and Hyunwoo knows he’s losing himself as well. He’s hot, he’s warm, he’s shivering, and he needs Kihyun even more than he thinks possible. They come close fairly quickly for two grown adults, but taking into account all the circumstances, they couldn’t give a flying fuck.

Kihyun reaches it first, but he holds on until he can get Hyunwoo there with him. It almost drives them mad, but he does it, and he makes him come squeezing around him once he’s climaxing as well. It’s absolutely random and completely insane, and so characteristically and stupidly _them_ that it has Hyunwoo tearing up all over again.

Amidst it all, Hyunwoo _does_ feel wholly loved.

“I love you, I love you, love you, love you so much,” he says to Kihyun, holding his face in hands while he rides out his orgasm inside of him, moving slowly in his sensitive body and reawakening the college boy who so madly wanted this with this same man.

Kihyun starts chuckling softly, and then he starts laughing, and soon they’re both laughing quietly to one another, unable to tell why but refusing to say it’s because of nothing.

“I’m gonna have you again in a few minutes,” Kihyun says. “And then again, and again, and again and again and again…”

“Are you desperate or just happy to see me?” Hyunwoo jokes.

“We have a toddler. We won’t be having this much time to do this again anytime soon,” Kihyun reminds him.

Hyunwoo’s breath catches, and then he hums. “You’re right. Get off me and I’ll blow you hard again,” he demands, pushing Kihyun away from him so he can move as well.

Kihyun pulls back astonished, and gets off the bed as he watches Hyunwoo kneel down on the floor, pull the condom off his dick and suck his cock into his mouth just like that. He barely has the time to moan and Hyunwoo’s driving him out of his mind.

“I wonder if he’ll notice,” Kihyun says when they’re on their way to pick Kiwoo up from his grandma’s place, many hours later.

“He will, he’s too smart,” Hyunwoo says fondly. “And I hope it makes him happy, I want him to be the happiest out of everyone.”

“Your mom sure will notice,” Kihyun chuckles. “And I’m sure he’s gonna be the happiest. He won’t have to say goodbye to us every week now.”

“You sure you don’t think we’re moving too fast?” Hyunwoo asks, glancing at Kihyun.

Kihyun smiles. “I think we’ve waited long already, and that we have a kid together, and that I love you too much to have you away from me for another second.”

“It’s weird we didn’t realize earlier, isn’t it?” Hyunwoo asks with a dumbfounded smile on his face.

“Love and hate really are two sides of the same coin,” Kihyun sighs, and reaches to caress Hyunwoo’s hair without distracting him from driving.

They get to Hyunwoo’s childhood home and tell his parents as soon as they see them. They hug and are congratulated, but they have to leave the promise of the whole story for another day, for they want to go home and enjoy this time with their son as much as they can. His parents understand, of course, but promise they’ll hold them up to it.

Hyunwoo holds the toddler in his arms, and kisses his cheek sweetly, smiling at Kihyun, who kisses Kiwoo on his other cheek, and then pecks Hyunwoo on the lips.

“Come on, darling. Let’s go home,” Hyunwoo says, smiling at Kihyun as he says the last word.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this and that it brought some light to you in these hard times. If so, I'd love to hear about it in the comments below, and/or to be made known in the form of kudos. Enjoy the holidays <3  
> My twt is DoctorFatCat  
> Bye bye


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